


Hello peace

by S6a



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s10e22 Aloha (Goodbye), First Kiss, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:34:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27457303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/S6a/pseuds/S6a
Summary: Danny's acted like a grieving widow since Steve left Hawaii."You should try, you should try, try, try," he laughed again.Steve finally got him mad. That was what he prophesied for years. It was a pity that Steve wasn't in the first row.“I'm not sure what's better. Mad laughter or literally nothing," Lou mumbled."Did you break him?"“I didn't break him. He was already broken,” that got his attention, and he stopped laughing.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett & Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 5
Kudos: 52





	Hello peace

**Author's Note:**

> The Story is inspired by the song "bruises" by Lewis Capaldi.  
> I heart that song and in the first three verses, I thought that describes perfectly how Danny would feel. Then I hear the whole song and it was even more flawless.  
> With this song in my mind, the first part writes itself.
> 
> The thing where I struggle where how Steve reacts and should act. Steve had a right to leave and Danny have a right to miss him.  
> I don`t want to spoil, so read the story and give me your opinion.  
> 

**_Goodbyes are not forever and are not the end; it simply means I’ll miss you until we meet again.” -unknown_ **

Danny sat in his office and stared at his calendar which was sitting on the desk in front of him. He counted days since his friend was gone. Every breath that he has been taking since he left feels like a waste on him. Sure he sounded like some sappy idiot but it's true. He asked himself what he was doing still in Hawaii. By now he'd be in New Jersey with his family instead he sulked in his office. 

The Detective let his gaze wander through the glass wall to the empty office across from him and know the answer. He has been holding onto hope that the schmuck'll come back when he found some peace. Because the crazy man was the reason he survived, so many times. Hell, he was the reason he stayed years ago.

"Danny?" a knock and a concerned voice get him back to reality.

“Man, I hate to say that but you have to get him off your mind when you work at least. You barely get any work done since you come back. All you do is staring at your desk or his desk and home, you gaze a hole in the ocean and all places in the house!” Danny didn't look at Lou, he knew the man get a point, but he didn't get _him_.

He absently rubbed a thumb about the liver scar that they shared. As every day passed he touched the scar frequently. Shortly after Steve left, Danny rubbed the bruises that he had from his kidnapping too. He'd hope he never loses these bruises that Steve left behind, but like always all hope was for nothing. They get brightly until they fade and _left him_. All he had was the scar and the reminder that what they had been real.

When you truly love them, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else. The scar proofed that he gave Steve everything he needed.

No hesitation, no question asked.

The chilling thing is that you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul. And when they do strike, it’s crippling-like having your heart carved out.

With Steve, he had the best relationship (even it was just platonic) he ever had. The best relationships in life are the best not because they have been the happiest ones, they are that way because they have stayed strong through the most torment of storms. And boy they had lots of tormented storms but Danny thought they only survive so often because they face the storms together.

Not because they made a deal with the devil to have as many lives as a cat.

Danny couldn't understand why Steve did not let him stay by his side to face his last storm like they always did. On the one hand, he knows his partner better than anyone else and knows how he thinks, and deep inside he knew what his friend felt. On the other hand, the more he thought about it, he began to doubt. Everything. He'd always done that. Thinking about all the negative things he could think of.

Was their friendship real or was it just a duty for Steve to be a friend to Danny?

” Hello, Danny? Daniel! Come on, man we need you,” Lou's voice was in the background all he saw was the empty office where could see a figure with a bright grin. A memory. Too good to be true.

His team needed him, and he needed Steve by his side. Seems like none got what they want. Nothing new.

"Goddammit, Tani get over here and try to talk some sense in him," Lou gave him a worried look and let Tani try.  
"Hey, how are you doing? Did you finish the files?",  
Danny looked at his calendar again and snorted.  
Friday the 13th that explained it.  
"Is that a no?", Tani took a seat on one of the visitor chairs. So they could make eye contact if Danny would lookup.  
"Boss I totally get that. If Junes'd leave-," Danny held a hand up and shook his head.  
"Don't... just don't," he rasped, voice rough from barely speaking. Danny just had to give them what they want then they let him alone. He focussed his gaze on his desk and put the folders he finished last night on the edge of the table. What else could he do in the night?

"Here are the papers, you see I'm fine. I did my work. I'm not useless. So you can go now," Tani hesitated. Danny glared. She left his office, with the door open.

"Lou, he actually got the paperwork done." The Detective heard Tani and Lou talked, but he couldn't hear what Lou said. "I know, but he should try," he heard Tani talked again. Her words made him completely lost it. He laughed hysterically. It was a real reaction for weeks.  
He couldn't stop laughing. The laughter was more sobs than an honest laugh.  
"You should try, you should try, try, try," he laughed again.  
"So funny, try."

Steve finally got him mad. That was what he prophesied for years. It was a pity that Steve wasn't in the first row.

“I'm not sure what's better. Mad laughter or literally nothing," Tani said.

"Did you break him, Tani?"  
“I didn't break him, Lou. He was already broken,” that got his attention, and he stopped laughing.

  
He stood up and went to the others on the computer table. Tani was there too. They actually looked shocked and scarred. Eyes wide and jaws open.  
"Good joke, Tani. You should consider a career. And you are right I'm broken. But nothing that a panzer tape doesn't fix. Steve got plenty in his shed next to the grenades and knives,” he said casually like everything was alright like he'd talk about his weather. But if you by now everything wasn't fine. He didn't use his hands to talk. He didn't look them in the eyes. His gaze was trained at the empty office like someone would pop out every second.

Adam stood in his way and blocks his view.  
"You know we love you, Danny. You are Ohana and you can always come to us. I can believe I say that to you but you don't even have to talk. Just if you want some company."  
Quinn nodded and went next to Adam.  
"Yes we are here for you and we hate seeing you so lost."

All eyes look at him. They wait for his reaction. Hoping they could get more since he spoke with him more words than he had with them in all weeks combined.

"I think there is something in the water because every day it's getting colder."  
"But it's Hawaii it's getting-," Tani held her a hand against Junior's mouth.  
None said something they all look at him with sad eyes. The same expression they got when they told the family of the victims that their loved one died. Sympathetic, pity, sadness.

Maybe you can live with a dead soul.

"No, it just me?", Danny asked with a chuckle and run a hand through his unmade hair.  
"Great, I'm out, since I don't get any work done aside from keeping the chair warm," he turned around and walk away.

"Danny, wait!" he stopped but didn't turn around.

"We all miss him. And we all know it's harder for you since he is your boy. But man he isn't actually dead. He is out there. All you have to do is to stop living in denial. Call him and put us all out of our misery." Lou said in a firm, synaptic and annoying voice. How he could manage it was behind Danny.

Danny hanged his head and shoulders for a moment in defeat.

After a moment, he recovered, straight himself. "I won't call him," he threw the words over his shoulders and stepped with quick steps away. He opened with strength the glass door.  
\---'

Danny drove some time and then found his way to Steve's. His phone was ringing the whole time.  
In Steve's bedroom on his bed, he knew Lou was right. He'd continue as he is, avoiding all his lifetime of issues and lying to himself while pretending everything is fine, or he could make the first step to help himself, even if it’s surrounded by uncertainties and it means to rely on something he has no control over.

Maybe he will regret it later, maybe it’s only a question of time until his insecurities hit again, but just for a moment, just for this moment...the phone rang again.

"You scared the shit of them, Danny. Jesus.  
What happens to you? That's not you anymore. You terrified them with rants and hand waving, not with whatever you're doing now. Man, I'm worried, should I come back?", Steve's deep voice came through his phone.

Danny didn't answer. He had his eyes closed and allowed himself to get lost in this voice.  
"I know you are there. Talk to me," his voice was softer.

"If you don't know the answer you shouldn't ask. Some might get they hope ups," the blonde man whispered his throat hurt from crying and alcohol. The least he could do was to drink the man's alcohol collection away.  
"Oh, he is there," Steve mocked angrily.  
"Though you stared a wall and didn't hear me. Why can you don't trust me? I told you I'm coming back. I just don't know when and I-.... I thought you'd understand me," Danny could hear the disappointment in his voice.

"But now you behave like a sociopath and distract me from finding my peace. All years I worried about others and I just want something to do just for me for once. I thought you understand since you left the last year to get to Jersey every second week."

If Danny got stabbed right now, between his ribs to pierce his lungs, he wouldn’t feel it. “W-... What?”, he said, his voice sounding choked.

He waited for Steve to explain more but nothing came. The only thing he could hear was panting noises.

"If wasn't... it wasn't every second week. I had good reasons, plausible reasons and I didn't hurt anyone with these leaves," he defended weakly his voice was full of hurt and inside the Detective felt a little like dying. His best friend called him a sociopath in a not teasing way. Like he was serious. Like it was true.

He heard a bitter chuckle.  
"I didn't hurt anyone, he said. Look who is selfish now? It didn't come to you that I needed you?!", the cold voice, the Navy Steve was back.

That was the last straw.

"I can't hold your hand every second, McGarrett. I was not your goddamn babysitter although it feels like I was a babysitter of some giant cold heart neandertal who always shot first and asks questions later. A neandertal who trow himself in fire and was willing to sacrifice himself for his loved ones. A giant goof who grinned when I ranted, but he was my partner!" he yelled and waved his hands in the air, letting the phone shatter to the ground.

He panted breathlessly, wiped the tears from his own face, pressing two fingers to the bridge of his nose. He heard a _giggle_. A fucking Giggle, what the hell?

He kneeled to the ground and collect his phone. Then he sat down on Steve's bed again.  
"Hello to you too, partner. I really missed you," he could hear a bright grin.

  
"You... you did that on purpose?", he asked in disbelief but then chuckled in relief. Man his man was sure the crazy one in this relationship.

"Of course. I know the best how to push your buttons and stop twisting the bedsheet you get them crumpled."  
He blinked and look at his hands. Steve was right. He looked to the windows and then to the wall, searching for cameras.

"I didn't put cameras in my bedroom. That is creepy since you sleep here. Look to the other side," he heard the voice double.  
Was that real? Did he drink so much that he hallucinate? Yeah, it's that.

  
"I'm real, Danno. Did you really thought I wouldn't and call you just to hurt you more?"

Danny blinked at him and felt his jaw drop a little. “You... what?” he asked, very intelligently.

Maybe that was love. Being so vulnerable and allowing someone else in so far they could hurt you, but would they really dare to hurt each other? After everything that happened. It's like hurting themselves.

"I'm home now," Steve said acting as nothing happened. He was in front of the cop. Danny swallowed his shock down and snorted, his eyes turned dark and mean, “Yeah, I figured.” He pushed Steve back but Steve just sat at his bed on the edge.

Danny felt dread, the sniveling dark ropes of it, grabbed him by the throat and twisted him up inside. They stayed like this for a while, looking at each other, breathing heavily, Steve didn’t know what to say, where to start, usually, he’d try to crack a joke, but Danny doesn’t laugh anymore, and he’s not sure he’s ready to see his friend fall in pieces.

“What do you want?” Steve asked, eventually.

Danny was so tired, he didn't want to fight, he just wanted a tangible solution. He just wanted to fix everything and go on with their lives.

Danny was quiet, Steve noticed that he wouldn't answer. He signed.  
“What do you need? Danno, anything I’ll give it to you.”

“I just,” Danny inhaled with difficulty, breath cut, “I just need to be like we were before. Need to trust you again, need you to trust me too.”

Steve smiled a little, but it feels fragile on his own lips.  
"Why can we just stay where we stop?", Steve asked cluelessly.  
Danny snorted again, anger in his voice.  
"Tell me, Steven, how do we should act now? Like nothing happened? Hanging out together then going to sleep and then waking up in the middle of the Night. In the morning we pretend like everything is ok. That we are not broken. I'm sure that will work for months but then something will happen and you shut everyone out again."  
"I wouldn't," Steve said stubbornly.

"Yes, you would because you always feel guilty. You have some serious god complex. Everything is in your hands you think. News flash is not. I'm sick of that. If you want to stay that has to change."

Danny held Steve's gaze for all of two seconds before he looked away, blinking back tears.

"You hurt me. But what hurt more was to realize that I'm lost without you."

Danny has never hated him more, he’s never loved him so much either and it broke him in two, enemy and lover, he didn’t want to be both.

When he imagined Steve's comeback he never expected it to be like this.  
He was itching for physical contact but Steve made everything so complicated and awkward.  
Danny knew that Steve expected him to do all the talking to rant and yell at him. That was the whole point of the phone call and being there. So it would give _Steve_ what _he_ wanted.

"You promise to use that phone if you but you didn't. I hate that I act like some clingy wife because of you. It's like the roles swap and I'm Rachel now. That's really ironic. The difference is that I'm angry, disappointing, hurt, surprised, sad, drunk now, but I would never leave you because you took care of yourself. I accepted your decision because I'm a good friend. If you love something you let it go, I have also accepted that Grace is on the mainland.  
I just never thought letting you go hurt more than letting Grace go," he tried to explain through the lump of panic growing in his throat.

"Do you know why it hurt more?", Steve asked in a soft voice, touching Danny's wrist.  
"Of course I know that. Unlike you, I don't bury my feelings. I'm always aware of what I'm feeling and why. Already forgotten that I'm a detective?", he took a deep breath and hoped that the sound normal. Steve shifted closer. Their knees touched.  
"No, that would be like forgetting myself," he said like it was obvious. "Didn't you? It seemed so," Danny shot back.

Steve let his wrist go, and signed.  
"Yes for a while, but living on top of a mountain one morning I realized a lot."  
"Good for you. Can you go now? I want to sleep," Danny replied coldly.  
Steve blinked in surprise, "What you throw me out of my own room?"  
"Yes, I've got used to your bed. If I sleep somewhere else now, it will take me time to fall asleep. You, however, have to get used to the bed again."  
It seemed like Danny wasn't just talking about the bed.

"You think I need time for the first time? No, I would fall asleep straight away because it is a safe place. Of course, I also had a lot of nightmares here, but my body will recognize that this will not happen here. I am not on the run here. Safe and in peace and at home. I wouldn't want to trade it for anything. "  
"For nothing?", Danny asked hopeful and locked eyes with his friend.  
"No, I won't make the same mistake again," Steve said firmly.

Then Steve ran his hand through his long hair and pulled it back at the last second, nervously curling his fingers into a loose fist at his side, “I thought- ….I thought maybe we could...?” He shifted his weight, “It's been two years since you live here, and we could... we could...” He floundered and bit his bottom lip.

Danny couldn't remember ever seeing his partner so anxious with him, it was strangely calming. He let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding and felt some tension leave his shoulders.

Steve sucked in a breath. “Sharing the bed!” he finally managed to blurt out with an impressive amount of enthusiasm.

"I'm not that easy, babe. But today was very exhausting, so I being the nice partner let you sleep here. If you wake me up in a hideous hour for your swimming with the Dolphins I will kill you!", he ranted.

"Of course, Danno!," Steve grinned brightly, standing up to use the bathroom.

A few minutes later he was back and spooned Danny from behind.

"Good, night," Danny signed.

"Good night, Danno," said Steve in a fond voice. They were hushed just the sound of his breathing was heard.

"Hmm, my body recognizes the mattress and the company. I can fall asleep at any moment," the brown-haired man teased.

"Shut up!", Danny slapped him in his on his boxer shorts. Steve caught his hand, tangled their finger together, and with his other hand, he pitched Danny's right nipple through his t-shirt.

"What the hell are you doing?! Stop groping me."  
"Why? You always touch me," Steve whined with a pout.

"Not here!" Danny hissed but didn't move.  
"Shhh let me sleep," Steve whispered with a smile. Pressing their bodies tighter.

"You started it!", Danny grumbled for show. For a couple of minutes, they were quiet again. Danny was sleepy, in every second he would slip to dreamland.

"Hello peace," a kiss was pressed on his head.

The next morning Danny woke up with Steve's arm around his waist, his head on his chest.

Good morning,” Steve said and, although a bit reluctant, let Danny moved from his grasp and allowed him to push himself from the bed, so he could recline against the headboard of the bed, facing each other.

Danny raised one hand and, in slow motion, placed it on Steve’s face.  
"You are still here," Danny whispered in awe.  
He started tracing over Steve's high cheekbones, his eyebrows, the little wrinkles from laughter on the side of his eyes, his nose, and, finally, his full and slightly parted lips.

“Danny,” rolled from Steve's tongue. That single word asked so many questions, had so much feeling and heartbreak, so much need, that Danny just couldn’t wait any longer. That was the moment he forgave the man, and trust him again. Hell who was he fooling? He didn't stop to trust him.

In a very slow and caring way, he moved closer, letting Steve have enough time to move away if he wanted to; when the other man didn’t do anything to keep the distance between them, Danny leaned in, closing his eyes, and kissed him.

The kiss wasn’t something urgent or raw, it was tender and chaste, close-mouthed, only their lips touching.

Steve broke the kiss after seconds or minutes, he didn't know or care. He opened his eyes and saw that Danny's were searching his face, his pupils were big enough to almost swallow the blue in them.

“I told you I wouldn't trade this for everything,” Steve said in a rough voice from sleep and kissed the corner of Danny's mouth.

“Now, we can enjoy the peace, together.” Danny smiled a sweet smile and Steve responded with one of his own, both so completely satisfy and happy, that they didn’t want to move.

“I love you, Danno”, Steve whispered.

“I love you, too, you goof”, Danny responded. And yeah that was the reason why he was so lost without Steve. Because he meant the words in every possible way. It wasn't just meant as friends.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Quotes that I used: "I think the best relationships in our lives are the best not because they have been the happiest ones, they are that way because they have stayed strong through the most tormentful of storms."
> 
> Pandora Poikilos, Excuse Me, My Brains Have Stepped Out
> 
> "When truly love them, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul. And when they do strike, it’s crippling-like having your heart carved out."
> 
> Sherrilyn


End file.
